The "Other" Shivaji

Had we been born half a century earlier in another part of this country, i might have had the opportunity to buy a bus tickit from him. I am obviously not talking about the great Maratha King durng whose time no busses existed, let alone tickets, but someone who is today known by anyone and everyone who owns a mobile phone. Okay, i am "not" a fan of this guy, and the only reason i am writing this is because the the minuscule memory my 19th century mobile phone offers leaves no space for important messages.

So what is this about this man that makes him the loved and the most joked about person of today? Wikipedia attributes this to "his uniquely styled dialogues and idiosyncrasies in films, as well as his political statements and philanthropy". His gravity defying stunts would make newton hope he was never born, and Hollywood fx masters wish they were dead. According to the numerous SMS's there is absolutely nothing that is beyond this man. Rumors have it that anyone who wants to be alive and well after visiting the southern states had better not say a word against him. Anyone wishing to bet on his/her life is free to confirm if  these rumors are true.

What makes this man so popular is something i cannot answer. But whatever it is, the "Rajni' jokes are here to stay till it reaches the pinnacle of boredom and nobody is interested in them anymore just like the "CID: jokes a couple of months back.

Prohibition- A Failed Ideology??

March23 is a unique day in the United States. It was on this very day, nearly a century ago that Prohibition was abololished in the country. Let us now return to our hinterland. Prohibition forms an important part of the Directive Priciples Of State Policy, something which every government is oblidged to implement. Now many would say that alcohol is bad, causes liver failure, etc, etc. Leaving the biological part of the problems to the health moguls, let us concentrate on the practical aspect of things.

Many states in India, too have experimented with this law. Andhra Pradesh, ehich had it for less than two years, today earns about a billion dollars in revenues every year- the same money that goes into developmenal schemes for the poor. Many others have implementd and repealed prohibition, but one state that stil remains the focal point is Gujrat, birthplace of the Father Of our Nation. Gandhiji was definately pro-prohibition, and while it would be wrong to question the intention upon which the law is based, we must ask the question- Is it really working? It is the states' worst kept secret that every single brand of liquor is available there, only at 3-4 times the actual price. This includes the bribes that go into the pockets of our 'babus' and 'netas'. It is infact possible to get liquor legally as well- you just need a medical permit stating that you need alcohol to survive!! A noted journalist observed that the only reason why prohibition cannot be lifted in the state is because of the huge amounts of black money involved.

Prohibition around the globe has miserably failed and has only led to black marketing and huge losses to governments in the form of excise duty. And is it not true that we are more capable of educating ourselves about the ill effects of alcohol now than we were 60 years ago, when the constitution was written?

UPA (United "Progressive" Alliance)

The dark days of Emergency gave rise to a new type of politics in this country. Although the the constitution has the provision for the formation of coalition governments, nobody had ever imagined that one day we would be ruled by a myriad of parties, with the only aim of occupying the power corridors of this country. So the left and the right came together to hand the maverick Congress its first biggest defeat ever. Understandably the marriage did not last long and the government soon collapsed. But it started an era of coalition politics which is definately here to stay whether we like it or not.

So lets us analyze the constituents of todays ruling coalition.

1) Indian National Congress: The grand old party of the country, its leaders swear by the name of the Gandhi Family. The failed China policy of Nehru, which let to a lot of humiliation, or the "Garibi Hatao" policy of Mrs Gandhi, which eventually turned out to be "Amiri Htao", and ofcourse the Emergency, these are generally forgotten.

Surprisingly enough, it was the same party government which intiated economic reforms in this country. It is currently headed by a former Italian lady who also serves as the "proxy PM". The real PM of course is a taciturn, media shy, and one of the best economist of this country. PM-in-waiting Mr. Rahul Gandhi is probably one of the most eligible bachelors in this country today.

2)DMK: Don't worry about the full form, you will not be able to pronounce it anyways. It has become one of the most infamous political parties today. Mother, daughter, Son...everybody in the ruling family is believed to be corrupt. They have believed to have looted more than the british could have ever mustered. Two of its MP's are in jail and a third one is waiting to be put in.

3) TMC: Led by "DiDi", this party came of age in the last Lok Sabha elections, when it managed to pip the left in its bastion. A former member of the congress, she has served as the  Railway Minister twice. Although she has done nothing substantial during these terms, she is believed to be a new hope in West Bengal. Understandably, her first move has been to change the name of the state. She loves to drive, just as she drove the NANO out of Bengal and has no compunctions shifting loyalties from the far right to the centre.

Apart from these main parties there are a couple of other parties too like the NCP. An offshoot of the congress, whose leaders refused to be led by some Italian lady, it is headed by Sharad Pawar. Apart from his regular job as the President of the ICC , he also has part time job as the Food and Agriculture Minister. People unfortunately blame him for droughts and rotten grains, but.....how much can a part time minister handle!!

Global Warming- Fact or Fiction

Beware guyz!! The world is heating up!! This according to the Nobel prize winning IPCC is the case and if nothing is done soon, we may loose all our glaciers and islands before this century draws to a close. It even predicted that our Himalayan glaciers would vanish by the year 2035. This, it now emerges is a piece of fiction and no such immeite threat exists. It now emerges that the claim by the IPCC that global warming leads to increase in natural disasters was totally unresearched.

The recent Copenhagen summit generated a lot of interest. The world leders gathered to discuss the future of our planet and in the end pledged hundreds of billions of dollars to save the planet from the threat of global warming. The issue has reached such a stage that anyone questioning its validity is taken to be a traitor to the planet. It even emerged during the summit that there was a concerted attempt to hide the views of certain scientists claiming global warming to be exaggerated. If the latest reports are to be believed, reports about mountain ice melting is actually based on a student’s essay and does not have any scientific base.

Now let us for a while go back to the 1970’s era. There was no global warming then, but infact the opposite- GLOBAL COOLING!!! Scientists had infact predicted a fall in global temperatures through the years.over the years, this theory died down and global warming took its place. The rise of the IPCC and the emrgence of green groups around the world led to the explosion of this theory, so much so that our agriculture minister does not mind blaming price rise on Global Warming!!!

So is Global Warming for real? The earth’s temparatures are indeed rising. What is in doubt is whether humans are causing it. Throughout history there have been periods of rising and falling temperatures and this according to critics is just one such period. Others argue that unless we act fast it might just be too late to save the planet. Whatever it is, I guess we will know soon enough …this time 4 sure…..

Osama Bin Laden-An Obituary

we the sons and daughters of al qaida do solemnly swear upon the "IN-hypocritic" oath that we took when we first joined this multi national organization that " we shall kill every goddamm american, british, french, spanish, pakistani, etc etc" who dare to stop the formation of the " United States of  Al Qaida". we are and wil always be your loyal and humble servants. those bloody americans thought that by burying you in the sea they would remove every trace of you. how wrong they were!! they have actually shown us a new way. your soal now resides in every sea creature in this world and unless the fishes and plants and penguins obey our orders, we shall kill them by plantng bombs under sea. we might even decide to use a couple of newly recruited suicide bombers from the "osama bin laden pre-primary and primary schools", set up in the jungles of pakistan. oh, by the way, if you are reading from the heavens, we have fired that ISI chap from the governing council as he was proving way too expensive.

it so sad that people were fed with with so much of misinformation about this great man. he was misunderstood in every walk of his life, thanks to the CIA. they called him a murderer,  a fanatic, every bit of which he was not. he was a lover, a great lover of mankind, and of humanity at large, and of course of his lovely wives. how many others do we know of who have more than 10 wives and 40 children!! (people know of only 6 wives and 26 children, but he kept a couple more secret).

he was a great lover of the enivironment. his greatest acheivement in this field was  the destruction of the twin towers. do people in have any idea how much of electricity that tower guzzled up every day??  such a tall tower was a nuisance anyways. the new york municipality had atleast a 100 complaints from neighbours that it blocked their view of the city. but like a lot of other things, the bush administration made all those files dissapear. it is true that a "small" no. of people did lose there lives when the building fell. but those were mostly old men and women nearing the end of their lives. their death made it poosible for young people from the third world to get lucrative jobes in the USA.

it is a sad misconception that he hated the americans. OBL and CIA were like brother and sister. they fought alongside each other against those communist b*****ds and won. the cia gave him weapons and he gave them victory. in fact most of the weapons that we have today are american stuff. but the breaking point in their relation came when the CIA decided to appoint one of their own as the head in afghanistan. our chief could not allow that!! so he declared war against the CIA. otherwise, we love americans, and even have numerous recruits back there. he was a big fan of KFC and whenever an american recruit came to undergo training in afghanistan, he would have to bring at least a dozen buckets.

A lot can be said about this great man but this is too short a place to mention all of them. we only wish he lives in peace and can guide us from wherever he is.

A Dream

my eyes opened to reveal a dim, dark alley. i figured it to be a 19th century dungeon, something that i had watched extensively in numerous hollywood flicks. but i was brave...very brave....that ofcourse was because i knew i ws dreaming.

i got up and fearlessly walked ahead thorugh the fog and mist. as i came out of the fog and suddenly noticed a lone figure sitting in the shadows. it was unlike anything i had ever seen....sumthng in vague resemblence to some greek or roman  mythological character- face of a donkey and body of a man. suddenly it turned towards me and asked, " so, you are one of them?"

wow ...it turns out that this donkey could actually speak!!"one of whom, talkng donkey!!??" "DONKEY!! so thats what they call me dese dayz.." nd then i cud c the tears in his eyes...dis wasnt sum donkey...it ws a miserable donkey....

"er...sry....bt who or what r u xactly? " 

" i m the damn indian god of enginnering!!"

wow!! a god!! i was actually stnding in front of a god!! it suddenly dawned on me that i had better apologise before i got turned into ashes. like a god he read my mind and waived the need for an apology. "everyone calls me names these days...all the old splendour and honour is gone..."

he told me he had just been back from the annual general meeting of the gods of engineering of different countries . "there was a time when the indian god( my forefathers) used to be the most powerful and the most popular among all the gods...and look at my condition now!! those bloody organizers sent me a third class chariot driven by underfed horses from circuses to take me there. even the dude from pakistan received 2star treament." i cud see the pain in his eyes....apparently the enimity between india and pak extended to the domain of the gods. 

i tried sympathising with him. " but that was  totally wrong!! we produce the largest no. of engineers in the world. we shud be on the top!!"

"there used to be a time when that was the case. when our enginners used to be treated like kings on the face of the earth. not anymore!! in every nook and corner u look u find one....most of them searching desparately for a job. even the gutters are not enginner free these days!!!

i could feel his anguish at being offered a last row seat in the conference along with the libyans and the north koreans. i could also feel his discomfort at not being offered an air-conditioned room 3000 miles above the equator.

" i hate that american god...there wss a time when we used to give him the latest technology and the brightest minds that made the country what it is today.....and he is reciprocating by telling that obama chap to stop outsourcing!! such selfish &$%%#@!!! "

it was sad indeed....imagine letting your forefathers see that your house has been reduced from a palace to a garbage disposal site. it was horrendous. unimaginable!!

"i have become old and shall soon take up abode among the stars. my only son was crippled when a delhi metro rail bridge collpsed over him. and there is not a doctor good enough in this country to treat him." i wondered if god's nervous systems are any different from homo-sapiens.

accidentaly i stepped into a manhole and fell......

THUMP!! i had actually fallen...not through the manhole but from the bed...all for a gud night's dream!!! 

Dreams Of My Father

i grew up among dirt and squalor in one of the numerous slums in the country. not large enough to go by any name or be visited by any politician, and definately not small enough to be trampled over to build shopping malls. i was one amongst the hundreds and thousands of us around, without an identity, without a name, just a face and physique to go by and to be recognized. so much unlike the elites in part of luyten's delhi and navi mumbai, where they had both an identity and a name and were mostly recognized all over the country. with such a nameless existence, i had only one person to look forward to- My Father. i was born orphan ( my dear mother was overrun bt a truck), and since my first day into this world my father looked after me, cared for me and gave me the inspiration to live that i so badly required. he gave me food when i couldn't find it myself, he taught me how to fly among the stars when the dirt and squalor became too much to bear. unlike hundreds and thousands of others my father wasn't a nobody. well he was actually a local community leader, a community consistng of not less than 100 of us. he had dreams, dreams of becoming the most powerfull community in the slum first and then reaching the higher echleons of our community, right to overthrowing those corrupt bastards residing along the kings way. he had these dreams not only for himself, but for me, his only child, one that he so doted on. he never let any harm come to me, even if that meant putting himself at risk. 

sundays where always my favourites. we always went to the best places to dine at, parks, restuarants, 2-star hotels....these places were always a treat and i loved my father for takng me there. one such sunday...oh!! i wish we had never gone there!! i always wanted to enter the Taj Mahal Palace , it looked fascinating from the outside, a glorifying 100 years of history behind it.  however it was a taboo for the last 75 years to even venture that hotel. but it was my birthday and my father wanted to make this day special. like two CIA agents we managed to sneak into the hotel through the kichen chimney, and finally we were through to the resturant!! we had beome legends!!! just when we were getting over our excitement and staring at the vast expanse of the main dining hall......PHAATTT!!!  a homo sapien dresses in white had hit my father!! and suddenly he was no more....such @#$%^ bastards !! so selfish!! the earth was meant to be an equal place for everybody, and these bloody homo sapiens seem to think its all for them!! so what if we take a little bit of blood from them to satisfy our hunger....didnt somebody great say "sharing is caring?? " people donate blood all the time anyways....so what if we take a little bit ?? and people think its very easy for us to penetrate there rock like skins??!! such hard hearted

*PHAATT*

*THE END*