The Best Career??

Nathun Lall(a.k.a Bittu) is an average school going guy,studing in class XII. And like so many other “average” school going guys, he has taken up the subjects PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY, MATHEMATICS, with an aim to crack what probably is the toughest exam in the world: IIT-JEE. At least that’s what his insentient parents believe. Like so many other proud mothers, Mrs Lall says, “Our Bittu is the best. After he passes out of  an IIT we are going to find ourselves a beautiful Bahu”. “Actually we have already short listed a dozen families with Mercedes, BMW’s and Audi’s.”, added an ebullient Mr. Lall. With an IIT degree under your belt, your dowry rises exponentially.

Mr. and Mrs. Lall had a social engagement, so they left warning me not to take too much of their Bittu’s time as he had a Physics exam that Sunday. Their Bajaj “whizzed” away and was immediately followed by rock music emanating from inside. Out emerged our very own Bittu , delighted to feel the fresh air. Locked doors and windows can suffocate you and unlike Farhan (3 Idiots), his dad had not bought him an AC.

“So how is the preparation for the test?”

“Test?? What test??” As he walked into his room to open up the windows, I told him about the physics test that he was supposedly studying for.

“You are kidding me!! Who the hell gives a damn about whether electrons are present here or there, we can’t see them anyways!!”, said he, in a distant yet lucid reference to the Uncertainty Principle. Quite clear that the JEE lay much beyond him, I asked him if he wanted to be a rockstar.

“Nah, much too temporary, one bad album and you are finished. I want something more permanent, where I can reach the pinnacle in a very short time.” He recognized the bewildered look on my face and answered, “I want to become a BABA.”

“A baba??”

“Yup, a baba, a swami, a godman, whatever the media likes to call them these days. That where all the name, fame and money is, and that’s what I am actually preparing for.”

My confusion deepened and I could see his parents dream of a Bahu driving home a Merc splitting into a zillion pieces.

I finally remarked. “But aren’t swamiji’s supposed to desist from rock music?”

“You see I am preparing remixes of bhajans and hymns as people are tired of the old tunes. They want sumthing new and my Girlfriend says they are coming out pretty well.”

“But then aren’t they also not supposed to have girlfriends and choose lifelong virginity??”

“Oh common!! Haven’t you heard of Swami Nithyanand?? Caught in a bad trap, that’s all, I will be more careful.”

“Also I plan to give yoga courses”, he continued. Before I could refer to his hanging tummy, he looked down at it, and said, “My uncle works in DD and he says with new technology you could make a fat person look thin. And I plan to give only TV courses.”

Suddenly what he said began making sense to me. Sex, money, power….he would have it all. And while super talented engineers fixed the problems in his private jet,  he would be flying in it, being served drinks by a hot young devotee.

As the interview neared its end, he showed me a trick. Wrapping up a bottle full of water in a towel, he turned the water into a black coloured liquid. “Black gold”, he said with joy, “That’s what people are going to want in the future. Took me a month to perfect this trick. And please don’t tell my parents!!”

I walked out of his house, dazed and thinking…..is it time for Mr. Sibal to introduce courses on babaship??